Why? Well, Why Not?

“Why are you so choosy?”

Turning twenty-nine and still single. My parents are starting to worry. My friends are starting to drop hints for me to date around. Once, my mother even sat me down and asked bluntly if I was gay. She can scrap that notion because my interest with the male specie is quite healthy. I told her that with the way I kept on appreciating good-looking men, she shouldn’t have even thought of the possibility that I was gay. My friends had gotten past the point of dropping polite hints and instead went to saying things like, “You should go out. Date some men.” They say it with such feeling that if I was a fragile soul, I would’ve taken it to heart and then cried and then whispered to my pillow each night, “Why? Why can’t I find a man for myself?” Instead, I tell them with a laugh that if there’s someone out there for me, he’ll pop up in my life sooner or later. What’s the hurry? Oh, right. I’m turning twenty-nine. OH NO! There goes my biological clock ticking, ticking, ticking away.

Tick tock. Tick tock.

I understand most girls in my shoes would be alarmed. I’m not sure if something’s actually wrong with me but I really don’t mull too much about this issue. I mean, whether I end up single or married doesn’t make a difference to me. Right now, I’m enjoying my life even without a man. I know I’m single not for the reason of men lacking in my social circle. Quite the contrary, actually. I’ll let you in on a little secret that my family doesn’t know: Guys have actually been asking me out. I’ll be sitting at McDonald’s, eating my breakfast and surfing the net with my smartphone and a guy will casually introduce himself. Before I know it, he’s asked me out after a couple of “accidentally” bumping into each other and some text messages. At a party, a guy will walk up, talk to me and give me a ride home. Before I know it, he’s asked for my phone number and is asking me out. Another time, a well-intentioned friend of mine will set me up with one of her friends. She’ll tell said friend to check out my Facebook profile. Before I know it, the guy is sending me text messages and asking me to meet up with him.

I have pointed these scenarios out not to flatter myself or boast because really. I am not disillusioned enough to know that I would walk inside the room and not all men will stare at me and wish they were with me. I’m just saying that the reason I’m single is because I want to be single. I’ve fallen in and out of love in painful ways. I know what’s it like to love and be loved. It’s just that right now, now that I’m older and I’ve learned my lessons, I know better.

Maybe someday I’ll actually go out on a date. Maybe someday soon I’ll find myself in love again. Maybe tomorrow, next week, next month, after two years, I’ll meet someone and that’ll be it. I mean, who knows, right? I just don’t want to jump into a relationship just because I feel like I have to because society dictates that a female my age should be well on her way to settling down. But I’m willing to wait, whatever is planned out there for me, whether it be me being single for the rest of my life or me settling down. It’s just simply a matter of being happy with myself and having faith.

Maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul that love never lasts. And we’ve got to find other ways to make it alone or keep a straight face.Β  And I’ve always lived like this, keeping a comfortable distance…

– Paramore, “The Only Exception

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Author: Anna

A 30-something female awed/delighted/floored with anything horror. Known to kick-start her days with coffee. Indulges in chocolates, blogging, writing, and reading. Attracted to the offbeat and the quirky / the odd and the strange / the weird and the eerie.

2 thoughts on “Why? Well, Why Not?”

  1. Loved this. My mom was 21 when she gave birth to me, so she turned on the heat right around my 21st birthday. When I’d ask her, “Do you want me to just stand out on a street corner with the sign, ‘Will marry first single male to stop’?” she’d reply, “Sounds good to me!” Oy vey.

    When I told her I was pregnant a full decade later, she asked, “How’d that happen?” She’d decided I must be gay based on the slowness with which I was moving down the proper chronology of scheduled life events.

    I definitely was merry, but that wasn’t what she meant.

    I never subscribed to the idea life was better because you found the right person. I’ve seen successful, jolly single folks and miserable married folks. My life thus wasn’t a mission to find the right person so much as to enjoy myself, do what good I could, and be open to the idea that something good could come along.

    It did. It wasn’t the way I expected, but it ended up being more awesome by far.

    Hope you keep on enjoying the journey!

    1. Hi πŸ™‚ Glad to know there’s someone out there who can relate to what I’ve written. And I agree with you. I have also seen single people who are happy and married people who are miserable. And you’re right again when you said this: “My life thus wasn’t a mission to find the right person so much as to enjoy myself, do what good I could, and be open to the idea that something good could come along.” Wonderful! πŸ™‚

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