Valentine’s Day for Single Women

If there is one thing I have come to learn and come to terms with, it’s this: Marriage is not for everyone. Pretty much like being single is not for everyone. Both take effort and struggles that do not necessarily coincide with each other but yeah. Each scenario has problems that’s all their own.

I remain single by choice because it’s where I feel I am most comfortable. Friends and people have tried and will try to apply all sorts of psychology in figuring me out, in finding reasons why oh why OH WHY am I stubbornly remaining single . They tell me this isn’t what I want. Sooner or later, I would come around and would want to find a nice young man and eventually get married and have kids. It sounds nice. It sounds like a dream. Sure, I’m not closing my doors on that option. But. But but but…

But what if that’s not for me? What if I am:

a) meant to be on my own or
b) meant to become a single mom

woman
I'm single and I'm busy living my life the way I know how.

Then what? Would the sky fall over my head and will my life end? I think that life would go on and I would simply adapt to the situation, making the best of what’s around. And the good part? I’m wholly in my element. I know it’s where I belong, it’s where I know my own self best.

Dear God,

Thank You for not bringing me that guy I asked you for all those years ago. Or the one from 2008. Or ’11. Or the one from that REALLY crazy request last month.

Thank You for loving me enough to NOT answer my prayers.

Thank You for teaching me that flying solo can create the strongest wings… and that being a brave single girl is a beautiful thing.

Thank You for reminding me through my earthly father what a protective covering should REALLY be…and unclouding my vision when I am blind and can’t seem to see what’s not good for me.

Thank You for showing me when I’m settling… and when I ignore You, thank You for meddling.

Thank You for sending me guys who didn’t love me enough…to remind me of what I’m worthy of.

Thank You for standing back & allowing me to make my own mistakes and to find my own way.

And when I crashed and burned because it was the only way to REALLY learn, thanks for not saying “I told you so.”

Thank You for holding my hand, even if I can’t feel it… For collecting the pieces of my broken heart, when I’m powerless to heal it… For being my strength, when I can’t be it… For guiding my path, when it’s dark and I can’t see it.

Most of all, thank You for loving me enough to keep me to yourself a little longer…And for using my weakness to make others stronger.

I love you. Amen.

source: The Single Woman

image source: carbonated

* note: I have changed the years mentioned in the prayer above (the first paragraph).

Before the Grand Entrance of Prince Charming

Fire & Ice
Can opposites really attract?

Will he be the Yin to my Yang?

Will he complement me or will both of us be cut from the same cloth?

Here’s a list that gnaws at my brain:

  1. He will be into PC games and I will never understand his obsession with “Guitar Hero” or “Skyrim.”
  2. He actually reads the newspaper. (And by that I don’t mean that he skips everything else and dives right into the Entertainment/Leisure section – That would be me.) AND THEN, as if that isn’t enough, he would tweet or blog about it or post it on Facebook.
  3. He knows – REALLY knows – what Java or Ruby (or both because he is terrifically, annoyingly smart) is. He knows that Java does not only pertain to that delicious, wonderful rice.
  4. When conversing or blogging or tweeting or even posting to Instagram, he occasionally throws in words like “mordant” or “vestiges” or “anachronism” or “antebellum” and it is not to brag orĀ  make the rest of us feel bad for not taking enough time to at least use the dictionary and actually expand our vocabulary. No, he uses those words because, dude, that IS part of his language.
  5. He knows grown-up things, geeky things, smart things, things those creatures from Mars know. AND he can discuss it or debate about it for hours.
  6. And (this is the frightening part) he prefers non-fiction books over fiction. (I have a hard time picturing the two of us side by side, him reading Jacques Derrida’s works while I’m reading this book about dragons and fairies and trolls. This imagery just does not balance out.)
  7. His favorite TV programs would be somewhere along the likes of National Geographic or History Channel. I can just see how I could discuss its parallelism with my choice of TV shows such as “Supernatural” and “Chuck.” Yep, it definitely sounds like a match made in heaven.
  8. He is health conscious. Holy crap. I can see the relationship going downhill the moment I EVEN DARE put those junk food in my mouth.
  9. He’s tech savvy. He knows the latest gadgets. As he rattles off about, um, some (ahem!) latest gadget’s specs and its pros and cons and then proceeds to a passionate monologue about it, I would just gawk at him and then say, “I’m sorry. You lost me when you said [insert tech jargon of your choice here].”
  10. He is cool, calm and composed and knows how to deal with anyone and anything – from his boss to his colleagues to his mom and right down to his grandfather. (I get flustered and I panic when I’m caught off-guard by anyone. Heck. Even my sister’s dog catches me off-guard countless times with her (the dog, not my sister) crazy antics and I’m always left slack-jawed and incoherent.)

Do you see where this list is going? Now do you see why I worry?

Because the list above describes someone who is ABSOLUTELY the complete opposite of who/what I am. And believe it or not, I have never been with a relationship with someone who actually fits into any of the item in the list above. True story.

* image source: Mighty Cud

Something I Can’t Name Yet

Something is wrong with me.

This guy I was interested in about 2 weeks ago had asked for my mobile number. So we got into sending each other a series of text messages over the weekend. He asked me out and he made it clear that he too was interested.

And then.

And then suddenly I lost any interest I had when I first saw him. I came up with reasons why and I just felt like we are two really different people. He seems like a nice guy. We share the same set of friends. And as my girlfriends would point out, “He has a car.” And that is my cue to look at them, blink and then say, “So what?” SO WHAT?

I wish I could be the kind of girl who falls in love easily just because the guy is nice and sweet. But I don’t. Some girls are swept away with big, romantic gestures. Some girls blush and giggle over flattering comments from guys they like. Then there’s little old me who has a lot of guy friends but rarely fell in love. Because guess what? Apparently, as my friends would like to point out to me: I have too high a standard when it comes to men.

What?! When asked what I like in men, I answer the following:

1. Someone smart, someone who could carry a good, interesting, funny conversation. Brain exercise!
2. Someone well-versed in the english language and can carry a good conversation with anyone, whether it’s with my friends, my parents, his boss, his superiors. You know, someone quietly confident.
3. Someone who has dreams and goals and aspirations. Someone with a DIRECTION in life and takes steps to pursue that.

What, why no mention of money? Of a well-off guy? Because it’s not what my focus is in my rules of attraction. As long as the guy strives hard to keep his job and is motivated to push forward to attain his goals and dreams in life, then that’s all I want.

Attraction, relationships, romance. Such weird, weird things. WEIRD.

Or am I just the one not reacting very normally about those? :/

I Lost Track of Time

It seemed only pretty recently that my life consisted of work, of parties (they aren’t the fancy ones; just at homes of friends, usually) and generally just having fun.

And then 2011 stepped in, all sly and yet assuming. It even had the gall to make my friends want to settle down, if not get their serious relationships even more serious with plans of geting married. When I’m around my friends, oddly enough, I feel like I’m their chaperone. Even though I’m the one attending parties in solo flight, going to bars on occasions with “single” stamped on my forehead, I feel like I ought to be the one whipping out a fantastic crochet and shushing everyone to be quiet and be well-behaved. While stroking the cat on my lap.

In a circle wherein my friends are getting serious left and right, I feel like I was accidentally placed in the wrong place and time. I feel like I’m someone’s sixth toe. You know, that one creature everyone can’t help but stare at.

I had my parents worried. (“Had” because they have reached the point of acceptance now). I have my siblings worried (present tense used because apparently, they are still convinced and hoping that I will eventually find a man I will marry). I’M not worried. I know better than to get involved in a relationship just because I NEED someone. I can very much stand on my own, thank you. One of my brothers complained that I was too emotionally independent for my own good. I think I’ll take that as a compliment.

In the meantime, while I’m single and not looking and leaving things up to Fate (and watching “True Blood” and eating junk food and gulping down coffee during the weekends), the world can tune in to other things and not hold its breath. Because I doubt I’ll fall in love soon and easily. But yes, I do make a great friend with boys and their girlfriends and wives don’t even have to worry because I am the epitome of loyalty, fidelity and trust. Amen.

A Blast from the Past

My bestfriend is getting married. My older brother is getting married. Even those people I never expected to get married are getting married. It only means one thing: Life is conspiring against me in order to pressure me to get married.

Life, you can go ahead and not hold your breath. You have my express permission.

It’s not like I PLANNED on staying single. It’s not like I have an aversion to settling down and having kids. (Fun fact on a sidenote: I kick ass with baby-sitting. Because I adore kids and I have the patience of a saint. But I don’t demand a halo.) It’s just that I’m a fatalist. Or so I’d like to think. “I don’t hurry love when I’m making up my mind.”

My friends all keep wondering why haven’t I found someone to get serious with. They say things ranging from the ridiculous to the sweet. Things like “You’re pretty, you’re smart, you’re sweet, men have taken interest on you. What’s taking you so long in breaking away from being single?”

Folks, I have an answer to that and it’s this: I’ll get serious when I know it’s worth it. No doubt in my mind on that one. For now, I’m content with hanging out with my friends, having DVD marathons, attending a party here and there, and spending time with my family. Until then, I’m going to save all I’ve got for the man I’ll truly fall in love with and have an awesome, serious relationship with.

I know, I know. I should date around, get in relationships with various men. But it’s just not who I am. What can I say? I may love going out and socializing at some point but when it comes to this aspect in my life? I’m a throwback from the past.