holiday – Neverwhere Door

Valentine’s Day for Single Women

If there is one thing I have come to learn and come to terms with, it’s this: Marriage is not for everyone. Pretty much like being single is not for everyone. Both take effort and struggles that do not necessarily coincide with each other but yeah. Each scenario has problems that’s all their own.

I remain single by choice because it’s where I feel I am most comfortable. Friends and people have tried and will try to apply all sorts of psychology in figuring me out, in finding reasons why oh why OH WHY am I stubbornly remaining single . They tell me this isn’t what I want. Sooner or later, I would come around and would want to find a nice young man and eventually get married and have kids. It sounds nice. It sounds like a dream. Sure, I’m not closing my doors on that option. But. But but but…

But what if that’s not for me? What if I am:

a) meant to be on my own or
b) meant to become a single mom

woman — I'm single and I'm busy living my life the way I know how.

Then what? Would the sky fall over my head and will my life end? I think that life would go on and I would simply adapt to the situation, making the best of what’s around. And the good part? I’m wholly in my element. I know it’s where I belong, it’s where I know my own self best.

Dear God,

Thank You for not bringing me that guy I asked you for all those years ago. Or the one from 2008. Or ’11. Or the one from that REALLY crazy request last month.

Thank You for loving me enough to NOT answer my prayers.

Thank You for teaching me that flying solo can create the strongest wings… and that being a brave single girl is a beautiful thing.

Thank You for reminding me through my earthly father what a protective covering should REALLY be…and unclouding my vision when I am blind and can’t seem to see what’s not good for me.

Thank You for showing me when I’m settling… and when I ignore You, thank You for meddling.

Thank You for sending me guys who didn’t love me enough…to remind me of what I’m worthy of.

Thank You for standing back & allowing me to make my own mistakes and to find my own way.

And when I crashed and burned because it was the only way to REALLY learn, thanks for not saying “I told you so.”

Thank You for holding my hand, even if I can’t feel it… For collecting the pieces of my broken heart, when I’m powerless to heal it… For being my strength, when I can’t be it… For guiding my path, when it’s dark and I can’t see it.

Most of all, thank You for loving me enough to keep me to yourself a little longer…And for using my weakness to make others stronger.

I love you. Amen.

source: The Single Woman

image source: carbonated

* note: I have changed the years mentioned in the prayer above (the first paragraph).

An Ambiguous Valentine’s Day Post

Ahh… February. The so-called Month of Love. Now people who are in love have an excuse to be cheesy/tacky and then get away with it while coming off as “sweet” and “thoughtful.”

February 14th. Valentine’s Day. A string of hearts. Serenading. Flowers! Chocolates! Dinner by candlelight! (Please don’t let me get started on how I suspect the motels here will be fully booked during that day and the days near the 14th.)

Everyone is in love. Or at least, that’s what Valentine’s Day makes you believe. And what about me? To quote from a Bright Eyes song, “Another year I claim to total indifference.” Although I have never had a boyfriend during this day, there was one guy I have dated who made it to Valentine’s Day but we never went out for some screwed reason I can no longer remember. The feeling I have right now is that the reason is screwed, ergo not valid. But I know I didn’t care, since I never was an advocate for Valentine’s Day. (My dad never fails to tell us during this time of the year that this occasion was made so that entrepreneurs could make tons of money and it did not go deeper than that. Oh, Pops, you are such a cold, cold man of reason and logic but I still love you. Please don’t forget to drive me to work tomorrow. Thanks! Much love! Mwah mwah!)

So. Back to Valentine’s Day… Which leads me to saying this: What’s a single girl verging on her thirties to do? I have options:

Finally give in and go out on a date.
Be in hibernate mode for that weekend and stack up on junk food, iced tea and DVDs.
Sleep the weekend away.
Go out with friends who are free that day and just be awesome!

My answer? I think I’m going with number two. Except. Except that I plan to start on focusing on bringing back whatever creativity I have left in my system.

Creativity, come out come out, wherever you are!

It has been so long (way too long) since I last wrote something decent or made a collage or did something with Photoshop. I’ve been so caught up in the whirlwind of work during the weekdays and socializing during the weekends that I’ve tuned out what’s inside me. And it was an unexpected trip to a bookstore yesterday that made me vow to myself what I just stated above. I will dig my toes back into the creative sands and whip up something, even if it means soaking my brains and then hanging them out to dry afterwards.

image sources: Valentine’s Day and Creativity

2012 Wishlist

Everyone has already whipped out their pens and papers (or for those who are not so old-fashioned, let me rephrase that: whipped out their tablets/PCs/mobile phones) and then jotted (Tweeted/posted in Facebook) down their Christmas wishlist. I never had a Christmas wishlist, whether in pen & paper or digital. Instead, I’ll have a 2012 Wishlist. The wishlist. At least I have 12 months, 365 days, 52 weeks… You guys! I have a whole year to make any of them come true! Perfect for someone as indifferent as I am about goals and plans!

Internet and all ye readers, I present thee my 2012 wishlist:

a) iphone 4S – Okay, okay. So I want this for a shallow reason: Instagram. Or Hipstamatic. Or Snapseed.

Dean Winchester/Jensen Ackles — Dean Winchester (real name: Jensen Ackles)

b) One of my most favorite shows, “Supernatural“, is on to its seventh season. And ever since I first laid eyes on Dean Winchester, it was love at first sight. The clouds parted and the angels sang a song so ~~awesome~~ lovely that it brought tears to my eyes. If I could see him in person, I would peel off all my shyness and actually ask for a picture with him. Because he is too sexy to not pose for a picture with him.

c) I want to travel. Wisely. I want to go to places and explore this vast, chaotic, wonderful, colorful world that I have the privilege to be born into. I want to indulge myself in something old and new at the same time, soaking in the culture/sub-culture and wrapping myself with it for a couple of days.

Write, write, write! — Write anything each day.

d) I want to write more. And actually complete a full fiction. I’ve been buying notebooks on impulses but never really paid attention to it after buying. But this 2012? This should be the year that I start something and end something, no excuses.

e) And finally, this. A man who is, for the most part, like Chuck Bartowski. Adorably geeky (or at least can impart interesting things and converse with me about those things), charmingly needs to polish up a little on his self-confidence, a man who knows what “family” means, strong (not physically), sticks to his guns, dependable and reliable and funny.

Please take note that they are in random order. Whatever or whoever comes first in 2012, I shall welcome with open, loving arms.

image sources: Dean Winchester/Jensen Ackles, travel photo, writing photo, Chuck image

2012, You Must Not…

You must absolutely not…

a) suck
b) be cruel to me and everyone I love
c) be a repeat of years 2009 and 2011

It’s nearing 2012 and I’m pretty sure that in spite of all the talks about 2012 being the year of Apocalypse (according to the Mayan calendar), we will all continue to struggle with our daily lives well past the new year. And heaven help us all as we trudge and glide and skip and cartwheel through 2012.

It seems to me that what I’ve been doing the past few weeks before 2012 hits can be described as both whimsical and nonsensical. How so? Here so:

I bought this because ever since randomly picking up a copy of “The Call of Cthulhu and Other Weird Stories“ while aimlessly walking around a bookstore, I was intrigued by H.P. Lovecraft. Neil Gaiman, one of my favorite authors, refers to him in some of his books. And so I bought “The Dunwich Horror“ because it seemed like a good book of Lovecraft to start with. I have yet to start reading it.

I didn’t even realize that I was collecting these books all again. I started buying one or two copies a couple of years back. There’s just something about good old, passed around local ghost stories. It reminds me of my childhood. Every time there was a brownout (no electricity in our area), me and my relatives would huddle around the table and I would listen to them tell tales of the paranormal.

Moleskine notebook — Something to write on... But what?

I also bought two new pocket notebooks, which I call my “idea notebook.” It is completely blank up to this day. (*note: Notebook above is not my actual notebook. Mine looks way, way, WAY plainer. The one above is just so pretty I had to use it for visual purposes.)

I plan to write a lot more this 2012. I plan to save up more this 2012 (no promises here, though). I plan to go to places this 2012. I plan to… learn how to cook? How about sew? Nah. I’ll stick with the first three. Better safe than sorry! 😉

Have a good New Year’s celebration ahead, people!

image sources: Moleskine notebook, Happy New Year!

Count Thy Blessings

I think mostly everyone can say that the Christmas season has got to be the busiest, most stressful and yet — and yet — rewarding holiday. It’s amusing to see all the malls crammed with people during this time of the year. Well, it’s amusing until you get in line and wait until you’re 80 to have all your items purchased.

So! Christmas 2012 is a few days away. Was it not like just a couple of months ago that we had Christmas 2011? Time flies by when you’re having fun, true. But time flies by when life screws with you too! In the middle of all this last minute ~~panic~~ Christmas shopping/preparations, I wish you all a very happy Christmas! 🙂

P.S. My company’s Christmas party? Totally awesome! And that one hot guy, the reason that I think I earned a degree in stalking? Still totally hot. And still totally taken. By an equally hot girl. Beautiful couple, those two make. Dammit! Some things in life are so not fair. But overall? Good party! Thanks to such good friends! And good news! I can feel some of my toes now. Friendly advice to my fellow women: Make sure you actually understand that when the invitation/flyer says “cocktails” then it means you better wear anything but heels. Especially three-inch heels. Unless you want to give a spin to the statement “I can’t feel my legs!” and tweak it into “I can’t feel my toes!”

image source: mandaloo